Cotton Candy: Not NEWS is good NEWS

BREAKING NEWS: The Current Economic Situation Started During the Bush Administration

During investigations into the economic woes of the United States, this intrepid reporter found evidence that the economic downturn started in 2008 and was a result of unregulated practices that took place during the Bush Administration's 8 years in office. This is an absolute shock to me because of the continuing reports declaring this to be the Obama Administration's economic crisis. I refuse to believe the Liberal Media has not caught on to this fact. I can only believe that the Obama Administration is actively working to take ownership of this crisis in order to purposely continue the downward economic spiral so that they can hand it off to one of the "lucky" Republicans running for president now. Once the hand-off of the presidency is completed, it will then become that president's fault allowing Democrats to once again win the presidency. In related news, the new head coach of the University of Miami football team has been told he will be fired in 3 years due to the lack of productivity of his team that was decimated by sanctions incurred by the coaches before him.

S&P Being Investigated by the Federal Government After Dropping the U.S. to AA+


Despite propping up the U.S. Economy for years with AAA ratings for mortgage backed securities and the companies that owned them, S&P now faces a federal investigation after dropping the U.S. Government to a AA+ credit rating. For 8 years, S&P heroically signed off on garbage mortgage securities so the U.S. Economy could continue to experience record growth and prosperity. Even though they knew they could not keep the economy from eventually crashing down thanks to the existence of the Democratic Party and poor people, S&P helped keep the job creators rolling in the money so that they could support the dredges of society with jobs. When asked to comment, S&P stated, "So what if some people are having a rough couple of years? We kept them working for at least 7 years with our patriotic credit ratings. If they had cut their costs and not been free spenders they would have money now to fall back on." And on the subject of the Federal credit rating: "Now that the Democrats are running things we really can't continue to carry the economy when we know the Obama Administration just wants to waste money on things like health care. It's not like it was when the Bush Administration was trying to bring freedom and democracy to the world." S&P has little worry the investigation will find anything besides Patriots supporting the country especially since investigations like this take years to complete and by then the Patriotic Republican Party will have returned to office. At that time they are sure the leadership of this great country will have shown they are deserving of a AAA credit rating.