Cotton Candy: Poop and Oil

Cure for Gas is Poop?


Recent studies in the area of panda poop show that microbes in pandas break down all sorts of hard to process plants. This leads scientists to believe they may be able to use these microbes to create biofuel from inedible plants and plant waste. The study of panda poop as fuel came as a result of a serendipitous trip to an outhouse by a Pandalologisterer. The presence of a corn cob, thoughts of pandas, and poop created a eureka moment. Soon, we may all be benefiting from the lack of plumbing and the ability to use inedible plants instead of corn to produce biofuel. Panda poop scientists, also know as poopy-heads by their stuck up non-poop studying colleagues, hope to one day rub their findings in the noses of evil oil executives.

You Want to Stick a Pipe Where?


Plans are moving forward on a controversial oil pipeline running from Canada to Texas. The new pipeline would be transporting oil extracted from tar sands from Alberta, Canada through Montana, S.Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, and Oklahoma to refineries in Texas. Many activists believe the pipeline is a bad idea due to the ecological cost of extracting the sand and the chance of a spill along the pipeline. In a recent poll, most Americans did not even know where these states were and didn't understand how a pipeline might travel through all of them at once. Only 27 people, all residing in at least one of those states, understood the question. Of those 27 people, 20 of them didn't understand why Texas needed oil. 95% of those polled thought it was a good idea because the U.S. needs to get away from dependency on foreign oil. One oil executive who asked to remain anonymous said, "Stick that up your panda's butt and smoke it" and then cackled wildly as he rolled up the window on the solid gold, stretch limo, humvee he was driving.