Animals Not Making News

Mona Lisa is Stifling a Laugh

For many years the smile of Mona Lisa has left many people wondering about its meaning. Currently, the smile is the result of a barely contained laugh.

A graphic artist recently discovered what he claims are images of animals hiding in the background of the famous painting. He went looking for the images after finding animal references in the writings of Leonarda daVinci even though the references do not specifically, or even generally, refer to the Mona Lisa.

To view the animal images, the painting needs to be tipped on its side. Certain areas on the painting need to be specifically highlighted while the rest of the painting is darkened. Then it is just up to one's imagination to find the menagerie supposedly hidden in the background. Of course, these images, once highlighted, completely discount that there is anything else around them to make them a part of a painting rather than an animal.

It is no surprise that news agencies immediately reported on the story. The idea that little bits of information can be pulled out of the whole and construed to mean anything a person wants it to mean is the basis of many news stories already. When asked about the story, all but one media outlet responded with “Wha?” The only different response was an open mouth, blank eyes, and a bit of drool.

In a related story, after many hours of studying the Mona Lisa myself, I have found an image of the Playboy bunny hidden in the folds of the woman's dress near her breasts. It is currently scheduled to be the cover of Playboy magazine in February as part of their “Artistic Expression of the Feminine” issue.

Dog Bites Man

Reuters reported yesterday in an article titled (I kid you not, this is the title of the article) “Poor Struggling, Rich Spending as Christmas Nears.” In an amazing turn of events, poor people are suddenly cash strapped in the winter while rich people are running around buying extravagant gifts for other rich people.

It seems this winter, due to the completely unanticipated increase in the use of heat and lights due to the cold, dark days, poor people have found they don't have much money. When asked about this a poor person responded, “I didn't have money this summer either. Or last winter. Actually, since I've been poor, I haven't had a lot of money to spend. It's even worse in the winter because I'm poor and cold.”

This is indeed a shocking news story. At least, it may be shocking. Or at least a little surprising. Or maybe even completely normal. The only people who might find this revelation newsworthy are those who are so rich that the idea of poor people is completely foreign to them.

In related stories coming later this week: “Water is Wet,” “The Sky is Blue (Except at Night),” and “News Agencies will Report Anything.”